At the Intersection of Art & Heartbreak
There is no pain quite like a relationship suddenly ending with you left to pick up the confusion and the pieces. This thing that you put hours of energy and effort into, that you hoped and prayed would work out, that you felt safe and seen within ending is absolutely soul crushing.
“How do I move on?”
Well, not quickly, not easily, and not all at once. No clean break is every truly mess free. It takes a concerted effort to decide it’s time and that it’s okay to let go. Once you do, the question isn’t really one that’s asked, but it’s felt deep within you. “Now what?”
Now it’s time for less pain and more you.
Do you ever think about music? I mean really think about the music you love— think about the most beautiful song you’ve ever heard, and try to sense the pain that went into its creation. Imagine gorgeous vocals and lingering guitars and the artist’s tears that stain the scribbled set of stanzas they wrote for lyrics. They were left with the emotional rubble of something, and they enchanted that pain with the courage of feeling their feelings.
It’s easy to stuff pain down, to distract, to rebound, to use any easy vice to get by. Many artists even romanticize this self-destructiveness in their art and music (guilty), but to actually feel the cold shakiness of betrayal and loss is hard. It’ll have you asking an endless amount of ‘whys’- why me? Why’d they do that? Why did it have to happen?
Art and music start off as abstract means of understanding why something happened, but gain a life of their own.
Throw yourself into your creative spirit. Write, draw, paint, sing - even if its bad, especially if its bad! It’s not about money, it’s not about praise or fame, it’s about YOU.
“Make the worst thing you possibly can.” Sounds….stupid, but it is the best artistic advice I’ve ever heard, and it is borrowed from the sentiments written by Sol LeWitt in a letter to Eva Hesse. Below is the full quote which I heard as a teenager on a Lev Yilmaz episode of ‘Tales of Mere Existence’— a series that resonated deeply with teenage me.
Here’s the link to watch Lev’s video: https://youtu.be/hqZAxLqJkzA?si=804t4-82kwE4NT65
“Perhaps you’ve decided that you want to make great artwork, perhaps you’re having a hard time getting started making great artwork as you’re afraid that you’re artwork won’t actually turn out that great. You start looking for a great idea, because you want your great art to mean great things to great people. Before you know it you may be thinking that you shouldn’t make artwork, unless it can decide on a purpose and a way of life, a consistent approach to even some impossible end or even an imagined end. You find yourself not making anything at all, and what’s more— you hate every minute of it. Well DON’T. Forget all that. Learn to say ‘Fuck you!’ to the world once in a while, you have every right to. Just stop thinking, worrying, looking over your shoulder wondering, doubting, fearing, hurting, hoping for some easy way out, struggling, gasping, confusing, itching, scratching, rumbling, bumbling, grumbling, humbling, stumbling, rambling, gambling, tumbling, scumbling, scrambling, hitching, hatching, bitching, moaning, groaning, honing, boning, horse-shitting, hair-splitting, nit-picking, piss-tricking, nose sticking, ass-gouging, eyeball-poking, finger-pointing, allyway-sneaking, lot-waiting, small-stepping, evil-eyeing, back-scratching, searching, perching, besmerching, grinding, grinding, grinding away at yourself. Stop it and just DO. Do something. Do anything. Do drawings- clean, clear, but crazy like machines: larger, bolder real nonsense. That sounds wonderful— real nonsense. More nonsensical. More crazy. More machines.More tits. More twats. More tallywackers - whatever. Make them abound with nonsense. Try and tickle something inside you, your weird humor. You belong in the most secret part of you. Don’t worry about ‘cool’, make you’re own 'uncool’. Make your own world. If you fear, make it work for you. Draw and paint your fear and anxiety, stop worrying about big deep things, you must practice being stupid, dumb, unthinking, and empty. Then you’ll be able to do. Do something. Do anything! Don’t worry about trying to do good work, do some bad work, the worst you can think of and see what happens, but mainly relax and let everything go to hell. You are not responsible for the world, you are only responsible for your work. So do it. And don’t think that your work has to conform to any idea or flavor. It can be anything that you want it to be. But if life would be easier for you to stop working, then stop. Don’t punish yourself. However, chances are it’s so deeply engrained in you, it would be easier to just do. Do something. Do anything.” - Sol LeWitt, narrated by Lev Yilmaz
With that said- the best way to process your heavy heart is by just doing something, anything.
And once you start? Just keep going. Then go even further. Keep going with doing and making, and eventually the pain will be behind you, and in it’s place will be this drive to keep creating. I believe in you, and it sounds like LeWitt probably would too.