A Tale of Two Realities

It’s disorienting to live in two worlds at once.

When I go out into the world or go to work I am in a different reality than when I’m alone or with people I’m truly aligned with. Let me explain.

I know that in my country in 2026 there is massive amounts of civic unrest and upheaval, as a result of unchecked authority exercised across cities like Minneapolis by you-know-who. I know you’re probably aware of it too, so I won’t focus on that entirely, but broadly speaking here are things impacting America and the western world:

There are massive amounts of inflation/devaluation of currency, causing affordability issues for housing, and essentials like groceries and utilities. Homelessness is on the rise. People working multiple jobs just to get their basic needs met is on the rise.

There is massive amounts of surveillance all around us. Our peers. Our phones. The corporations and the government entities. The young people and kids are stressed. Melatonin is marketed to children at your local grocery store.

Loneliness is on the rise. People turn to the internet (guilty) and to AI chatbots. In extreme cases, people are dying because of psychosis caused by isolation and the feedback loop of talking to a yes-man robot.

There are families being torn apart, as parents and children are separated and sent to detention centers in America, with no due process, and no transparency about what’s happening and if they’ll be allowed to leave. They are fed expired food in small portions.

Maybe you don’t care about what happens to the people in those camps, maybe you care about America and her legacy though. They tore out Jackie Kennedy’s Rose garden at the white house and destroyed the east wing of the white house - the part of the building that had the First Lady’s office, to build an unnecessarily large ballroom. They changed the name of the Kennedy Center to include Trump’s name for no real reason other than to suit his ego.

I could go on.

But that is all very real, verifiable stuff happening in reality.

The ‘other’ reality? That’s where you are at work chuckling about the latest small talk with your coworkers. You chat about the boring Super Bowl 60 game, maybe someone gives an unwanted opinion about Bad Bunny. Maybe you engage, maybe you don’t. There’s nothing that sticks in this reality though. It is a world comprised of teflon.
No one talks to each other about Renee Good’s death, or Alex Pretti’s. It’s all smiles and meetings about deadlines and emails and mental noise about things that are inconsequential to a life well lived.

None of this shit is real.

What do you do about it? Do you just become completely nihilistic and check out completely? “Oh well. I’m okay if the world ends.” is a common remark by peers and coworkers — most of them in their 20’s, at the beginning of their life. Let that sink in— the young people are without hope.

I think checking out is the right answer, but you have to apply it to the appropriate ‘reality’; the reality comprised of quotas and marketing strategies and office politics is the one you should mentally tune out of.

I’m not suggesting anything new, this is just a description of the ‘quiet quitting’ phenomenon in workplaces.

Quiet quitting, at its core, is about not being exploited. We need the money to live, so we stay in jobs that bleed us dry, but we give it the bare minimum of energy and effort each day - ‘cause fuck ‘em, that’s why. Your job posting will be listed faster than your obituary. “We’re all family here” is accurate if your family is a bunch of people who can’t talk about anything real or uncomfortable. You’re expected to give them a two weeks notice in America, but they can fire you whenever and leave you homeless and absolutely fucked, and they won’t lose sleep over it.

In this way, quiet quitting is an act of self preservation, and it applies to more than jobs. You can quietly quit as a student and still get work done, but not be affected by all the things happening in that realm. You can quietly quit the unsupportive friendship, where the other person is unable or unwilling to engage with you about anything in a meaningful sense, and in fact you should. Still call them, still catch up with them, but remember the old adage: all the world’s a stage.

To those that love me and who know me — I am not depressed. I am not a miserable person. I am not angry, but I see clearly, and by nature and virtue I am wholly incapable of shutting the fuck up about it. When I said “invest in people - they’re always worth it.” I meant it with my whole chest. I’m bothered by what’s happening to people in this world, not because I want to signal that I’m a good person (I know I’m not) because that’s what love looks like when you see things clearly.

If you’re like me - lost and feel uncertain about the future, just hang on. If the situation was truly hopeless, no one would be speaking up about these things. You still need to play in both realities if you are working class like me, just remember which one is actually real. If your ancestors from 100 years ago were here with you, they probably wouldn’t understand your white-collar office job, but you know what they would understand? Injustices and unchecked power crushing people. Use that as your litmus test to decide what is real and act accordingly.

In conclusion, acknowledging that situations are bleak doesn’t mean you are being a buzz kill. Not being able to escape thinking about current events isn’t a sign that you need a break, it’s a sign that something deep in your DNA wants you to do whatever you can to fight it - fight the authoritarianism, not the instinct. Instincts, unlike administrations and powerful people, will never lie to you.

I’m too Doom And Gloom

'“Doom and gloom” is a phrase that occasionally gets used to describe me for my outspokenness and opinions on current events.

Here’s the thing, I absolutely understand why folks say that, and I’m not disagreeing with it, but I would argue that I’m not the one being doom and gloom - the times we are living in are really just, well, gloomy.

This is a blog not a peer reviewed academic paper or even a piece of journalistic writing, so keep that in mind and feel free to be skeptical of what is written here. I am only one person, experiencing this life from this perspective.

I’m a big picture person, so here’s some big things happening in this world at a glance:

Global birth rates are falling - some places like South Korea are in the negative. There’s a bunch of reasons that contribute to this: inflation and high cost of living/ low wages, social isolation and chronic burn out and fatigue, a massive difference in philosophy and ideology between men and women, as well as women being educated and having access to birth control.

I watched an internet video where someone said it best: “How badly do you have to abuse a mammal that it is no longer breeding/having babies?” People across the globe simply feel that the conditions of modern life are not ideal or suitable for having children.

Climate Crisis is Growing - There’s been more floods, hurricanes, wildfires and devastation in America in the last 5 years than I remember hearing about in my youth. Places have seen biblical amounts of flooding, including Washington, Montana, North Carolina and Tennessee. California is still recovering from wildfires from early 2025. That is just America. Record breaking levels of flooding are occurring across our planet, affecting the global south most severely. We know of causes like pollution, and gas emissions and the ice caps melting, and even while we are aware of these things, rather than collectively work to mitigate the worst of it, we implement bullshit technology like AI, which uses absurd amounts of water and electricity for every inquiry.

Class Consciousness and the Bottom 98% Versus the Elite - This is a broad sweep that encompasses a lot of things. Class consciousness is the idea that we as people deserve dignity and that our humanity is not worth less than those that hoard resources. My friends hear me talk about how “everything is interconnected” and this is what I’m often referring to.

Capitalism can be thought of a mind parasite: it needs to feed off the host. It needs you buy, buy, buy, so it can grow, grow, grow. In business college, I was taught by well meaning economics professors that capitalism is the best system and breeds innovation, but we can see for ourselves that this isn’t true. Every iPhone for the last 15 years has looked almost exactly the same, and so have android phones. All modern cars adopt body and grill styles that look similar across brands, with dashboards that also look indistinguishable from one make to the next.

Capitalism can only ever be focused on growth, it cannot be satisfied, there is no concept of enough. If it were, there wouldn’t be the need to squeeze us dry by selling smaller, lower quality versions of products we love for higher prices. It has no end, it’s point is itself, not what is best for humanity, and thus our humanity is lost trying to uphold it. I’m not being hyperbolic. I mean every word of that.

It functions philosophically the same as other systems designed to control people, such as patriarchy and colonialism.

Patriarchy is a system that gets its justification through man-made religion and violence. It’s core message is that Men serve the most powerful men with their labor, as soldiers or workers, and enforces a hierarchy upon them, where they are to submit to the most power men, and gives them a false sense of superiority by teaching that women are all inferior. So long as a majority of men are comfortable with their own captivity, they will never see a problem with how women and children are treated under patriarchy. If you think this is a reach, go read the Epstein files and observe how many of the perpetrators were men and how many victims were women and children - THAT is a product of patriarchy. It too, like capitalism cannot be satisfied, and does not benefit humanity.

Colonialism is a system that spreads ideology and religion to foreign peoples as a means to justify the colonizers actions of taking resources and exploiting human capital.

Capitalism, Patriarchy and Colonization are all reliant on false hierarchies, and those that we consider the elite benefit from all three. Again, look at the information contained within the Epstein files: Rich (Capitalism) White (colonization) Men (Patriarchy) are running child and sex trafficking rings. Their victims? People that are from poor countries, who are women and children, many of whom are black and brown bodies.

Class Consciousness is the concept of average people like me, realizing this and speaking up about it. I was always told “follow the money” and this is where it leads.

In my last post, I talked about ICE and how a metaphorical chill sets in the hearts of the people, before mass abductions ever happened. That issue falls under class consciousness too, because at it’s core, it is a concept focused on human rights for everyone.

“Well, sure, maybe those things are issues, but what is the point in talking about them ad nauseam?”

Awareness. Awareness is the point. The more you think about something, the more you sit with it and give it consideration, the more you are going to be curious about it and want to understand it better, and this is what leads to action.

If the issues of the day are only ever on “the back burner” of your mind, and you aren’t giving it active attention, you’re going to neglect and let what’s in that pot burn.

Talking about it is the entire point. Action does not just happen. You have to talk about things, decide what the core issues are, and find people who are willing to engage with those issues in conversation. Only then, can plans be made and actions carried out.

I don’t post about these things on my social media for the sake of fear mongering or because I’m some sort of sadist. I post and talk and write and make videos and art about these things for one reason and one reason only: because I care.

Not all activism, if that’s what you want to consider me here, is the same. Just because you aren’t out at a protest doesn’t mean you aren’t contributing to resisting violations to civil liberties and rights.

I’m not like this because I enjoy “being negative” all the time. Hope and belief in a more fair and just world is the reason I speak and share information about unsavory and uncomfortable events. At the root of it all is compassion and love.

As a child, I would listen to and discuss with my mom her plan to leave my alcoholic father for YEARS before she finally did. Were these conversations too negative and just a waste of time since she didn’t do anything directly about it for a while? Of course not, and neither is talking at length about the things we see happening in our world. It takes time.

Perhaps my delivery in these conversations could be less frantic and more palatable. Perhaps I could work on being more level-headed and less sensationalized when talking to people about these things. I can understand that argument.

But maybe the emotionally charged delivery is necessary. Maybe some things should disrupt our routine and comfort. There’s a reason your home’s fire alarm system isn’t a soothing lullaby and absolutely REFUSES to shut up until it detects the smoke has cleared — it’s supposed to scare you out of sleep so that you get out of a burning house. It would be absurd to be angry at the smoke detector for alerting you. Sure, it’s inconvenient and annoying, and maybe I am too.

I won’t apologize for that, not while so many are without a voice or representation sitting in a detention facility, or are buried in unmarked graves, or are treated inhumanely, and I won’t apologize for being too doom and gloom.

A Chill Sets in, before Ice arrives.

Note: This is probably going to be a tough read for some, but I hope you do, and consider the message and it’s intent. I am using my 1st Amendment right to speak on an issue from a very straightforward and human perspective. I am critical of Conservatives as a former Conservative. I identify as Independent, and all views expressed by me on this page and otherwise are purely my own. As always, it is my belief that our highest calling is to love each other, and I maintain that, and love to me, means giving people the respect by holding them accountable to their beliefs, words and actions. We all deserve to live happy, healthy, productive lives, regardless of skin color, sex, religion, or political affiliation. Thank you. - Kai

A chill sets in, before ice arrives. Nature has a way of easing us into change. We ourselves, have ways of being eased into change - depending on what we’re talking about this comes down to two things: consideration or conditioning.

As a child living in the most conservative county in Texas in the 90’s and 2000’s, I heard Fox news in the background of my home every night. I heard things from trusted adults like…

“This is AMERICA! Speak English!” (There is no official language in America.)

“We got all these damn Mexicans making things worse.” (“Mexican” was used often as a general slur for all hispanic and latino people.)

“Well, it wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all these damn illegals making my taxes go up!” (This was then, and remains to be a major talking point for conservative propaganda.)

As a little white girl living in a safe suburban neighborhood where a majority of neighbors where also white, I was conditioned by the adults in my life and the media they consumed, that “Mexicans” were bad. That was the gist. They were “stealing out jobs”, and coming over here “just to have babies so they can stay in America/ use our tax dollars (for what I’m not sure, this line is applied to damn near every issue.)

The problem is that the narrative being fed wasn’t based in truth (that’s what makes it propaganda.)

Propaganda is defined as: information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote a particular cause, doctrine, or point of view.

I was told that hispanic people were “sneaking into this country” to have “anchor babies” so that the parents could then sign up for benefit programs and “mooch off a system they didn’t pay into.”

Let’s break down the narrative.

Here’s what’s actually being said in these conservative talking points from the early 2000’s: Hispanic people have no right to be in this country, they have no rights to social benefits, and they shouldn’t be here. Their language and culture wasn’t welcome, it was lesser than the status quo. They were lazy, dishonest, and untrustworthy - and bottom line? The conservative talking heads wanted you to know one thing: we should not tolerate them being here.

Decades of this rhetoric has been mainstream talking points, way before anyone ever heard of MAGA. The chill set in long before.

To properly call something out, I like to discect all the ugliness…

It went even deeper than just a sentiment of un-belonging, there were harmful stereotypes:

“well, everyone knows the men love to beat their wives and cheat on their wives.”

“their little girls dress too skimpy, none of them have any morals, they look like little whores.”

Hatred is spread casually, and plainly, presenting itself as moral and factual when it is neither.

Then I grew up. It’s 2016, my hispanic friends are worried about la migra coming to take them away. I try to comfort them by giving the tired answer that “they’re only coming after illegal immigrants.” I cringe thinking about that idiotic retort.

Hispanic and Latino people are not foreigners to this land. They are indigenous. That’s why hispanic people look like Native Americans — because they are. What we think of as Hispanic, is just the same “American Indian” colonized by the Spanish and given Catholicism. I’m saying they belong here. This IS their home. Texas was part of Mexico long before it was part of America.

If you can de-legitimize Hispanic people and separate them from what they are, it is that much easier to manufacture justification for their removal.

We didn’t get ICE terrorizing Minneapolis overnight. We didn’t get this proverbial freeze out of nowhere. This is the result of slow-dripping propaganda designed to slowly make its white audience hate , fear and distrust an entire group of people, by utilizing the racist beliefs they secretly hold.

It is hypocritical for whites with European heritage to say that they don’t belong on these lands.

Dear white conservative,

Your country will not be safer when Hispanics are removed. Your taxes will not decrease because Hispanics are gone. Your job will not pay you more, and better opportunities will not come when they are removed. You will not be happier. You will not benefit from this.

In fact, the opposite will happen.

There is a belief that “illegals” (I really hate that term more and more every day, it is absolutely derogatory and dehumanizing) don’t pay taxes. There is also an argument that they should come here legally. But legality doesn’t just happen. It is a long, costly process. They must pay for visas, attend court hearings, show that they are trying by finding work and holding down a tax paying job. It’s not black and white to go from illegal alien to legal citizen, and it’s important you understand that. Since it is a process, that “gray” area between citizen and noncitizen is one that many live in FOR YEARS.

Note, ICE has used people’s immigration hearings as traps to nab them and bring them to detention facilities. This was happening all throughout 2025. Judges would let people leave the courts through back exits to avoid being handcuffed and dragged away. These events really happened, dear conservative. It is very important that you remember your government can do bad things, not all bad things live only in history, ignorance and denial make you complicit.

What happened to Keith Porter, Alex Pretti, Renee Nicole Good and little Liam and all the others should have never happened, and is indefensible for anyone who is still able to be honest with themselves.

The immigrant didn’t make it harder for you to afford car repairs. They didn’t make it harder for you to afford groceries. They aren’t the reason dentistry work is barely covered by insurance. They aren’t the reason you feel so fucking numb and hopeless and drained. They aren’t what’s beating you down.

But just like one man could weaponize prejudice to turn Germans against Jews, this administration has preyed upon the seeds planted decades prior, and the underlying racism that never truly left, to make you think that all the ways they are fucking you over is the fault of the guy with brown skin, and not the result of policy created by Republicans for multiple decades now, designed to weaken the power of the American people and consolidate power and money for the elite. The things your party tells you the Democrats are doing are the very things they take your donations and support and do. It is time you accept that.

A chill always sets in before we get snow and ice - and that’s on how propaganda made you cold hearted towards your fellow man.

Happy Winter Solstice & YuleTide

On the 20th of this month we had a new moon, which is a symbol of renewal and energetic cleansing, a reset if you will. The day after was the mark of the Winter Solstice! The shortest day and longest night of the year. The next few days are short, and on the 25th, Christmas Day, the earth begins its steady ascend to longer days.

For pagans like myself, this is a time where spirits are at rest and everything is asleep or dead. Historically, this is a time to tell stories about the spirits since they won’t be awake to hear them.

You know that line in the song “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” that goes “there’ll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmases long, long ago”? That is a reference to the pagan tradition of story telling during Yule!

How do you celebrate Yule? The short answer: very similarly to how you celebrate Christmas.

Bringing a tree inside your home and decorating it? That’s Yuletide.

Having a large gathering to feast during the winter? That’s Yule also.

Exchanging gifts? That is also Yule.

If you’ve ever wondered what evergreen pine trees have to do with the birth of a Palestinian baby, the answer is absolutely nothing.

So where does it all come from? The Roman Empire sought to change the culture and traditions of people via Christianity, the easiest way to get people (who were all pagan) on board was to simply incorporate and re-brand their traditions and festivities into something new that fit the narrative.

What I’m doing to celebrate Yuletide

On the night of the new moon, the day before winter solstice, I thoroughly cleaned my home to help reset the energy. I then went and sat outside under the stars to reflect on the year, my character, and to think deeply about what I want in the next year.

On the solstice, I admittedly didn’t do what I wanted as I am sick and recovering from what is likely the flu. Ideally, I would have had a ceremony where I sage myself and my house, have a small fire in the backyard and do a simmer pot with oranges, berries and spices, such as cinnamon sticks. I love to dance under the moon and stars and would have likely done that as well. If I didn’t live alone, I’d probably cook a festive meal, but that coupled with illness made for a very sleepy and slow-paced solstice for me.

I still participate in Christmas traditions

While not a Christian, I was raised celebrating Christmas in the typical American fashion. Our home had lights on the house and yard, a massive 8 ft tall fake pine tree with many heirloom ornaments collected by my mom over the years. We didn’t have a lot of money, so mom would start saving and planning Christmas in early August of each year, slowly buying gifts here and there and hiding them. We always had giant stockings filled with candy and small toys and a pile of Christmas presents to unwrap. It was magical because she made it that way.

I still do all the normal things people do for Christmas, minus the religious theming and heavy emphasis on consumer spending, but I love the events, baking and cooking for others, decorating and spending time with others celebrating.

If history’s example is anything to go on, I think meshing Christian’s Christmas and neo-pagan’s Yule is a great thing. After all, the more the merrier, right?

So, from me to whoever is reading this, I wish you the warmest and happiest of holidays this season.

Poem; ‘Inertia’

Gone away is the innocence
But I still have my youth
Waiting for it to all make sense
Even now, that’s the truth.

I got the gift of gab and a poet’s heart
But I don’t know what I’m doing
They say starting is the hardest part
After that, just keep it moving.

I go through phases of reason and rhyme
Dearly devoted to chasing what’s mine
Cause nothing changes but seasons and time
The laws of Inertia are inside your mind.

Burying my arrogance
Unearth what I never knew
Not an original stance -
But life is what you do.

You’ll go or you’ll stay inside the lines
Cause the laws of Inertia are inside your mind.

Illustrating - Martyr the Bride Cover

Cover art draft for the first volume of Martyr the Bride.

Art is a A Labor of Love

It’s 2025. I could easily use AI to generate the cover art or the entire Martyr the Bride story, but where’s the fun in that? And really, what would be the point?

Part of why we are so familiar with names like George R.R. Martin, J.R.R. Tolkien, and J.K. Rowling is because their works are impressive in terms of what humans are capable of. To build an entire world with characters that feel real and narratives that have you on the hook for more, requires a lot of things. There is the skill of writing, but not just grammar, having an understanding of how people think, feel, what motivates them and scares them is something that those with excellent observational skills and storytelling capabilities use to get readers invested.

Anyone can write. Anyone can draw. Anyone can do any thing. To do something well though, that requires consistent effort and a love for that thing.

In short, it’s not satisfying for “creators” to use AI to generate music, or books and art and it’s not satisfying for readers or listeners either. It’s an insult to readers and viewers to ask them to give their time and attention to a project you refused to.

I don’t use protections on my artwork to keep it from being eaten up by AI, and maybe I should, but that stands in the way of what art is all about: risk taking and truth telling.

Art confronts emotions and insecurities and desires by placing them directly on the canvas for others to observe and feel. Art reflects the culture and time period it was created it, and this is because art is something that can only be created by organic living beings.

So, while this draft may appear ‘sloppy’ to more critical folks, I can at least say with confidence that I made it on my own, with no AI input.

I have been working on this digital illustration in Sketchbook Pro for iPad, for 3 days, and I am still not finished with it. And you know something? I’m having fun. Making art IS the art. When you remove creation from creating, all you have is production. Machines produce. Humans create.

Thought Process Behind this Cover Design

First and foremost, I don’t have a background in graphic design or commercial art, but I have read an absurd amount of comics, graphic novels, and manga in my time and I love studying the cover art and book jacket designs. This design started as a pencil sketch on regular drawing paper, and then I took a photo of that outline and began drawing over that on my iPad.

The design features the lead protagonist Chase as the focal point, directly in the center. Over her shoulder is her guardian angel Layne, keeping a watchful eye on her while she seems to be day dreaming. Chase appears happy and blissfully unaware of the angel behind her, the reflection of Nightshade in her hand mirror, or the hallucinated eyeballs crawling around her vanity.

These details are meant to allude to the “shadows” that surround her - a darkness, a secret side that she is unaware even exists at the start of the story.

On the vanity rests wedding band, a rosary, and a lipstick tube - hints to her marriage, and the theme of Christianity throughout the story, as well as her own understanding of her sexuality as a young woman.

She is wearing a dress that is intended to subtly look like a wedding dress - a clue and reference to the title, and she doesn’t have the dark lipstick I typically draw her with, a possible nod to innocence.

My favorite visually metaphor is that her eyes are drawn to the roses, not noticing the petals that have fallen, or the creepy eyeball-guy right next to them, a play on the phrase “rose colored glasses”.

Layne appears in either a window or a picture frame, and the walls are this moody, gothic-inspired wallpaper design that looks cool paired with the novel’s title.

I wanted something that communicated visually what this story could be about, obviously. I also wanted to showcase Chase as the beautiful ‘all-American girl’ that she is.

My art style is also meant to be an “Americanized” version of manga/anime artwork: high contrast, sharp lines, ‘cat-like’ faces that have smaller noses and large eyes, etc.

It’s a story about a woman who is in her mid 20’s, sure, but the average readership for comics and manga skews younger- teenagers and anyone who enjoys ‘YA fiction’.

Will it be a hit success and make me rich and famous? Eh, the odds are probably not. Is that the point? No, of course not. Writers and artists don’t start their crafts for the intention of making money from it, that is a happy side effect for those that choose to pursue their craft commercially. In short, I’m writing Martyr the Bride because I want to, because I believe in it, because I think there are many people that will relate to the morally-gray place Chase and other characters find themselves in.

For now, it’s my baby. I will take my time crafting not only this cover, but the entire story. Once published, only the rights will belong to me. The story will belong to the world, for people to either love or hate. It will belong to those that own copies of it and resonate with it.

It gives me a great sense of purpose and fulfillment to work on the project, and I couldn’t imagine my life without Martyr or the experiences that lead to its creation.

I hope you will enjoy it when it’s finished.

Illustrating - To The Hilt, To the Bone

9 X 11” India and Gel Ink Illustration on Paper, November 16, 2025 “To the Hilt, To the Bone” by Kai Briscoe

Behind the Art

As a practice, my drawing pad and iPad go everywhere with me, and any down time I have, I will usually sketch on something. It’s either storyboarding for MTB, or it’s a full ink illustration. I haven’t been making as much art as I did earlier this year or in recent years because of lifestyle changes, so last week I set the intention to draw and complete something. Anything! I didn’t care what, I just needed to draw, damn it!

I wanted to channel some things I had been feeling recently, including some negative emotions. This autumn has gotten off to a rocky start: lost friendships, got my heart broken by my on-and-off again ex-boyfriend in a rather jarring manner. Then, I witnessed a coworker go through a tough time before leaving unexpectedly. It all created this deep skepticism within me. I heard that little voice say “trust no one”.

Getting Started

There wasn’t really a plan, I just knew I wanted to draw something that felt intimate to me. I started drawing her jaw and cheek and the maiden’s face. Then I built out the curve and slope of her shoulders, taking time to decide where her hair should fall.

I sketched her eyes shut, but then scribbled over that and drew the blood-stained bandage over her eyes. I finally had direction for this piece: pain, betrayal. The rest started to flow more naturally, a rose close to the hear, an Irish claymore held loosely in her grasp, but still defensively, still protective. I gave her a long medieval-inspired gown, wings like those you see on cemetery angels, and wrote the words “veritas” and “ceartas” at the bottom, inverse and bleeding into each other - both are words that when translated, mean ‘truth’.

The maiden is surrounded by stalagmites and two giant, angry humanoid creatures. Directly above her is a bright, big full moon.

The “Meaning” (If There Is One)

I’m unsure if it is any of my business as an artist to explain what my art means to me. I think that is probably better saved for the people observing it. To me, it seems to be about self-preservation. She appears wounded but still mostly alright. The moon could be representative of some powerful, protective figure meant to keep her safe. Maybe its’ light illuminates her path and reveals something to her. Maybe we wouldn’t be able to see the ‘monsters’ behind her if not for the moon’s light. The moon has often been used to symbolize intuition and divine feminine energy. Altogether, it could be that the maiden was hurt and has learned to stay guarded, thanks to her intuition. Even though she is blinded, she senses something nearby means to harm her.

As far as the name goes, “To the Hilt, To the Bone” just sort of popped into my head when I was researching sword anatomy and types. I often find myself thinking in partial stanzas or lyrics, and I “heard” that phrase in my head repeatedly while working on it. It just made sense so I went with it.

Scrying and Spell Work

Most of my newer art has special words or even names hidden within. Some words are more obvious than others. The most common word you will see in my illustrations is the Latin word for truth “veritas”. I put that shit on everything. This pieces has two words that are each in different dead languages that mean the same thing. The words are flipped. Truth in Latin faces truth in Irish - the truth faces itself.

I’m not entirely sure why I did this. I guess I thought it looked cool.

It could be interpreted as one of my favorite Latin idioms: solve et coagula, or “as above, so below”. Maybe with that in mind, the message is that the truth will always be the truth, no matter how it gets flipped around or misconstrued.

Conclusion

This is one of my favorite pieces ( I say that about everything I make, so maybe don’t trust my opinion on this) for a few different reasons. For one, the line work was done with very fine Prismacolor pens and not my typical Sharpie S Gels. It appears “higher resolution” because of this, and is softer yet more detailed due to the different fine pens used.

It also just feels very emotional to me. A lot of my art depicts more aggressive energy: anger, vengeance, courage and lust, so to see something like this has a different sort of heaviness attached.

I also just enjoy the Catholic/ renaissance/gothic inspirations in this piece.

The original is being sold to a dear friend, and prints of “To the Hilt, to the Bone” will be available when this site’s shop is live.

I don’t know anyone that is doing well

I don’t know anyone having a good time right now.

This may sound a bit hyperbolic, but everyone seems to be going through hard times - everyone is surviving, not thriving. I don’t know anyone who is doing well. It looks different for different people, but the theme of struggling is consistent.

It could be any number of things, or more likely a combination. I know someone who is living inside the cab of their truck because they moved out of state for a career change and there aren’t any motels that aren’t already being rented - my little brother.

I know someone else whose body is tired and is eager to retire, but the roof needs to be replaced, the central AC is old and could break at any moment, and the property taxes keep increasing every year - my mother.

I know people who had to choose between going into thousands of dollars of debt to save a beloved pet or put their pet down.

I know people who have to choose which bills get paid this month and which don’t, and I know adult children who are the financial custodians of their parents and struggle to manage their expenditures.

I know people that are married, have a household with two full-time incomes, that are scraping to get by, often eating the cheapest, poorest quality food they can.

I go online and watch Tik Tok compilation videos on YouTube of people that can’t afford rent and are facing evictions, or live out of a van, or who have cars repossessed, or are drowning in student loan debt, or credit card debt, or some other form of debt.

I see other groups of working class people panic about not being able to feed their children because of the Government shut down and the pause of SNAP benefits.

I see people forgoing dental or medical care, or refusing ambulances in emergencies.

But that’s just money, what about the emotional toll?

As a ‘Zillennial’ (a late-stage Millennial that has overlap with Gen Z characteristics) it’s hard not to empathize with how jaded and hopeless many young people feel. Sentiments like “what’s the point?” are common amongst them and other generations, and it’s a fair question.

What is the point when everything you aspire towards is always just beyond your reach? At what point do you just give up quietly and check out?

They say that money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy food, shelter, and comfort which are essentially all part of happiness when you are working class. So when all your money can’t buy anything and you never get enough of it, all that’s left is the stress, the fear of over drafts or of your electricity being cut off - all of which takes a massive toll on a person.

If we aren’t careful, we can internalize the struggle as some sort of character flaw.

“Maybe I didn’t work hard enough in school..”

If this goes on long enough it can lead to severe burn out.

“I’m just not good enough. I don’t have any motivation. I don’t want to go to work, but I need this job..”

What can we do about it, if anything?

The answer isn’t a simple one, but if we want to see things improve for the working class, we have to fight back. We need to unionize and demand fair pay and not accept the absurd answer that billionaire CEOs can’t increase wages. They absolutely can, they just don’t want to.

A lot of people will have this conversation and then sigh and say “but, that’ll eat into their profit margins and lead to layoffs”. Right, but that isn’t the only solution, and acting like it is is agreeing to the cop-out these companies are giving.

From the Peninsula Peace and Justice Center: “At the 100 largest low-wage corporations, the average CEO now makes 632 times more than a typical worker. And Americans are fed up.”

Be so for real. There is no justification for this gap. A common argument is that the CEO works harder and is thus “more valuable” than the hourly employee, so they deserve to be compensated more. I agree with that up to a point.

A good leader is one who leads from the front, not from above. A good leader of any organization doesn’t see him or herself as being more important than who they are leading. The best CEOs are the ones who take pay cuts or offer assistance to employees because they care about the human being behind the job title.

It’s not a big ask to be a decent person who pays their people fairly, but these fat-cat CEOs will make you believe so. Real change requires the courage to imagine a better, more equitable and more sustainable future.

Under current conditions, therapy helps but is a bandaid, not a solution.

How many stupid sponsored videos for Better Help have you seen on YouTube? How many people have suggested you seek counseling for venting how stressed you are about the state of the world - because let’s be real, there’s A LOT of stuff I haven’t mentioned: climate crisis, food shortages, changing and less stable job market, environmental havoc caused by AI data centers, the rise of authoritarianism across the globe, diminishing marriage and birth rates… do you want me to go on?

Therapy is not a solution. Breathing techniques and “focusing on what you can control” are stupid suggestions to people with real, immediate problems. You can’t meditate yourself out of financial hardship. You can’t journal your way out of poverty. You can’t take mental health walks anywhere in the world that escapes the ramifications of the things I’ve mentioned above.

Therapy at best, helps you cope. It’s your bandaid. Any medication you are given is also your bandaid, given to you by well meaning people who are genuinely trying to help.

But when the picture is this fucked, you have to break the frames and step out. That’s the only way.

Final Thoughts

It’s beneficial to those with power that we believe everything is bleak and hopeless and there isn’t anything we can do. You cannot do that. We all need each other. We need to show up for ourselves and for each other, and that is HARD.

When you are struggling - don’t try to immediately cheer yourself up. Sit with it, feel it out. Let it be what it is. Validate the feeling. Also, don’t beat yourself up. You aren’t broken. You aren’t a failure. You aren’t doing life wrong.

Just because I don’t know anyone that is thriving doesn’t mean none of us are capable of doing so. Remember that hope is an act of rebellion, and for that matter so is the courage to keep going.

Reviving traditions: Samhain

Kai dressed as Chad Gray, frontman for heavy metal band Mudvayne.

A common argument I hear this time of year is how white folks or Americans in general have no culture. I’ve also heard in the same vein that Halloween is a meaningless holiday, usually said by a devout Christian when comparing the holiday to others like Christmas or Easter. This statement is ignorant to the history of modern-day Halloween, which gets its name from the Catholic holiday All Hallows Eve, and that holiday was a rebranding of the Celtic festival and holiday Samhain or Sauin. Samhain (pronounced SOW-ehn) is a Gaelic word that translates to Summer’s End.

“Say It With Your Chest”

This blog is just my personal opinion based on things I’ve read over the years. Some of what I say may sound critical of groups like Christianity - and in fairness, it is. I have no issue with Christians as people. Further down I briefly mention Christian-nationalism, and to be clear this is a political movement that appropriates the Bible to push a narrative (You bet yer ass I’m against THAT).

The Meaning Behind Samhain

You are likely familiar with the Latin holiday Dia de los Muertos, or The Day of the Dead, as it is known in English. Dia de los Muertos is a beautiful and vibrant celebration of the life cycle, featuring colorful sugar skulls, candy, art, and so much more. It honors the dead and welcomes them as the veil between their world and ours is thinnest at the end of October and beginning of November.

Samhain is the Celtic version. Food offerings were left outside for spirits passing through, a practice which later evolved into the Halloween tradition of trick-or-treating. People dressed up as spirits to confuse and ward off entities. It was a celebration of the end of the harvest season and embracing the winter season.

Lost in Translation and to Capitalism

My opinion of nearly all modern holidays celebrated here in America is the same, I think they are cheap, hollow versions of what the original holiday once honored, and I blame capitalism and American consumerism for it becoming this way.

I’m aware that what I’m about to say will age me, but when I was growing up, there were still kids that made their costumes by hand. It was falling out of fashion (pun) but these days? A holiday about remembering the dead and honoring spirits is relegated to a trip to Wal-Mart and Spirit Halloween for cheap, mass-produced cookie cutter costumes and copious amounts of plastic wrapped candy. Little kids still enjoy it, but it’s a shell of what it once was.

If I really want to go on a tangent I can talk about how people don’t even wait for it to get dark before they start trick-or-treating anymore, but that’s besides the point.

Embracing Tradition…no, the Traditions Before That

At present, the phrase ‘embracing tradition’ sounds like a dog whistle for Christian-nationalism. For transparency, I am absolutely not talking about Christian traditions, I am talking about the ones before Christianity was practiced. The word tradition is often associated with conservatism here in America, but for some reason upholding or honoring our pre-Christian Gaelic heritage is lumped together with all things “woo-woo” and New-Age. We aren’t talking about tarot card Tik-Tok readings, Samhain started about 2,000 years ago.

Before Christianity bastardized just about every modern holiday you can imagine (and yes, this includes the Christian favorites: Christmas and Easter) these holy days had different names, meaning and lore, and different belief systems or religions associated with them.

For those who don’t know, I am a pagan. To be more specific, I practice a modern form of Celtic/Gaelic paganism that draws from Druidic and Witchcraft traditions. I wasn’t raised this way. My ancestry includes Gaelic heritage; I have Irish ancestry, and in 2021 I started learning more about these alternative and historical beliefs and traditions because I was interested in reconnecting with that lost ancestry. By 2023 or so I stopped identifying as a Christian and embraced tradition and my roots!

The Best of Both Worlds

I grew up celebrating Halloween and see no reason to stop. I’ve added a few practices to reincorporate Samhain, though. For me this looks like dressing up to take my friend’s children trick-or-treating and then coming home to sit beside a fire, providing light for the spirits as they make their way, and remembering those who have passed on. It also includes dancing outside at night as time moves into November, welcoming change, and leaving a small bowl of food outside as an offering - all of which I plan to do tonight!

So the next time someone mentions Halloween as being a meaningless holiday, you can inform them of it’s history, and if they try to give you a bunch of nonsense about it being anti-Christian, you can inform them that it was technically invented by the Catholic church.

No tricks, all treats and well wishes from me to you! Happy Halloween and blessed be.

Here’s How You Can Celebrate Samhain

1) Remember ancestors that have passed: set up an altar with the photos of loved ones, or mementos that symbolize them, eat supper in silence (called dumb supper, with dumb meaning silent in this situation), tell stories and memories of those whose memory you are honoring.

2) Harness the energy of this transitional period: this is the witches’ New Year, cleanse and bless your home, re-dedicate yourself on your spiritual path, write out goals and perform an analysis to see where you fall short in your personal growth. Let go of old pain and harmful habits and plan for the future.

3) Engage in symbolic ritual: light a fire or candle to provide light to spirits and warmth against the cold, walk or sit with nature, carve faces into vegetables to ward off spirits (this is the origin of pumpkin carving!)

4) Have fun: have a feast of all the best fall foods, wear costumes to ward of spirits, decorate with symbols of the season.

There see? Paganism ain’t spooky. ;)

Things they don’t teach about life

Some things you learn the hard way, the rest is what you read or listen to.

Here are some observations I’ve made, and quips I’ve collected over the years. They say that life doesn’t begin until you are 18, and if that’s true, then that means I’ve only really been ‘alive’ for 13 years. I’m not a brand-new adult, and I’m also not ‘over the hill’. At 31 I am technically in my prime, which I suspect must mean that while I’ve got some experience, I’m still young and stupid enough to still get into trouble. So, here’s the ‘good’ stuff I’ve gathered in that time.

1) No One Cares

This sounds bleak, but this is a blessing. No one cares about what clothes you buy or if you are ‘outfit repeating’ and this isn’t just because adults own washers and dryers- people are not obsessing over what you do or don’t do. No one cares if you make $55k or $200k. No one cares that your car is 10 years old, that your phone isn’t the latest model, and that you haven’t uploaded new stuff on social media in a while. This isn’t to imply the world is uninterested in you, but we are focused on our own lives.

As a caveat — if they do care, it’s usually because they are what my mom calls a ‘busy body’, which is someone who makes your business their business. If anyone tries to make you feel lesser than, its because they envy something about you. Envy doesn’t have to just be the superficial things either, people can envy others who have more satisfaction and happiness in life.

2) You Aren’t the Only One

Those thoughts you have on your worst days about disappearing and leaving the world were thought by someone else, maybe even at the same time as you. The cheeriest most radiant people have endured pain, loss, and betrayal too. Everyone in your life has something they are dealing with that they aren’t talking about. One woman is frustrated trying to get medical equipment for her handicapped daughter, the man next to her hasn’t slept in a week because of severe insomnia and depression, and next to him is someone silently working through a breathing exercise because their body went into fight or flight thanks to trauma.

It’s true that not everyone will understand, or will even make an effort to, but there are lots of people that can relate to your thoughts and feelings all around you.

You aren’t so different that no one can relate to you. I’m not saying you aren’t unique, you are, but suffering spares no one. This means odds are, someone will resonate with you.

3) Talk to People About the Real Stuff

This ties into the last point. I know other people are going through depression and anxiety and traumatic flashbacks because I talk about what I’m going through, and this invites others to open up too.

The younger crowd is often too cynical, but you aren’t “trauma dumping” just for talking about your life experiences, and we are meant to rely on each other. Humans are social creatures, and before therapy, we had a real sense of community. It’s not that people have more problems in today’s world that only therapy can fix, it’s that we have lost community and struggle to connect, which makes things harder.

The solution to loneliness is to open up about it with others. And if they judge you for it? They weren’t the right person to talk to. You’ll find your people.

I have held strangers in my arms while they cried while working retail telling me about a family member that ended their life. I’ve consoled women wearing sunglasses to cover black eyes. I’ve sat with people that were angry and distressed when they showed up on my porch after being released from the nearby county jail.

I’ve also cried in front of customers and had one buy me a bouquet of roses and write me a heartfelt note. I’ve had internet strangers give me their numbers and encourage me to call them whenever I feel panicked or depressed. I’ve had people drop everything they were doing to stay with me a few days so I don’t do anything to hurt myself.

I know what it’s like to need someone and to be the person someone needs, and part of bridging the gap is talking about the real stuff.

4) Shame is a Pointless Thing That Harms You

No one is a saint. We all do things that we regret or that society looks down on. Within every single person is the capacity for good or evil and all things in between. Doing something that goes against your own ethics, intentionally, is a form self harm, but so is tormenting yourself with guilt about it.

TLC’s My 600 lb Life and A&E’s Hoarders are great windows into the effects of shame on the psyche. Many of the people featured in My 600 lb Life tell stories of being severely abused or neglected or faced with extreme poverty as children — all of those things can create feelings of shame in a person. The person internalizes that shame, and seeks comfort and an escape in eating, until that itself becomes it’s own problem for them. They then begin to self isolate and will sneak food until they become shut-ins and a shell of who they once were. Shame did that to them. For hoarders it works similarly, they consume by shopping and refusing to throw away trash and their homes become unlivable with them isolated inside.

They internalized their pain and punish themselves for it.

You don’t have to do that. Holding yourself accountable never involves shame, in fact, a shame mentality makes it harder for a person to be accountable and honest with themselves and others. Be objective. You did something bad or something was done to you, but it doesn’t define you.

You were sexually assaulted so now you feel shame. You messed up on the job and got a demotion or fired. You didn’t study and got caught cheating on an exam. It happened. It sucks. But that nasty feeling of shame is self abandonment knocking at the proverbial door. Whatever it was, you didn’t “deserve” it, and punishing yourself more-so to combat that shame, no matter the means, will only lead to more of it.

Shame is a parasite of the mind that seeks to erode you of yourself. Tell it to fuck off.

5) You Are the Love of Your Life, and Your Own Best Friend in This Life

We experience everyone differently, and this means there are many different versions of who we are inside the minds of others. No one really knows all of you. They know what they see, what they can perceive and what you show and tell them. Only you knows the inside of your mind and soul, though.

The best thing I ever did for myself was decide to tell myself every day that I love me. I usually whisper it before crawling into bed for the night or in front of the mirror when I’m getting dressed. It’s silly, but that simple “I love you, I’m proud of you.” has done a lot for my self esteem and made me more resilient.

Compliment yourself, give yourself praise. Be your biggest protector and provider of support. If you can build a habit of doing this, of choosing you, you are actively fighting against self-hate and doubt and self-abandonment.

Romantic love is nice, sure. But it can be a fickle thing. The only constant in your life is you. Be someone you love and understand, and you’ll attract people who admire the same.

You can’t loathe yourself into success. You can’t shame yourself into a happy marriage. You can’t judge yourself into supportive friendships. You must choose you, and do so often and aggressively until it becomes your default.

6) Hope is an Act of Rebellion

I once read an article about how people of war-torn impoverished nations would dance with fervor every night while the world burned around them. Clapping, singing, banging on drums and dancing the night away. It’s the most human thing I can think of, actually, to meet fear and despair with joy and movement. Hope is what makes a person dance. Hope is the bet placed on ones own survival and on ones personal strength. To have hope, is to imagine a world in color when everything is black and white. It defies whatever miserable conclusion hard times lead us to believe in.

Your heartbroken and feel useless? Go outside and dance under the moon as badly as you can. Laugh at yourself while you cry it out. Let the cars see you in the street twirling in all your madness. Dare to feel. Dare to defy pain.

The economy sucks. The government is closed. Everything is bleak and lifeless except you. Sing. Dance. Write. Fall in love a million times, and include yourself in that count.

If logically everything is terrible, then abandon reason, and embrace feeling, because after all, hope isn’t something you think, it’s something you feel, something you embody.

7) Your Problems are as Big or Small as You Make Them

What separates a mountain from a mole hill is perspective. When I was a teenager and got my first speeding ticket I cried and had a breakdown because I didn’t want to get yelled at by my parents and wasn’t sure how I’d afford it working minimum wage. I got my first speeding ticket in nearly a decade recently, and barely bat an eye about it. Part of this is experience, I know the options and solutions available, but part of it is also choosing to let it be a small thing.

How you feel about something dictates the size of the issue, and this applies broadly to life as well. If you feel like everything is hopeless and an obstacle you’ll never overcome, then that’s exactly what it’ll be. It will continue to remain that way unless and until you decide to change your perspective.

8) Not All of Your Friends Are Really Your Friends

Some people will celebrate your successes but pray upon your downfall. Others are always a phone call away if you need to vent about how bad things are, but as life improves or good things happen, they pull away.

Don’t take it personally. Be authentic, keep the same energy with everyone. Whoever is meant to be in your life will be.

9) How People Act or Treat You Is More About Them Than You

There was this bully at a previous role who hated my guts. She talked down to me, talked over me, and once screamed at me. It really got to me until I realized she was this towards everyone, with different levels of severity. Overall though she was just a miserable person. It took me a while to understand that.

Kind people are kind to everyone because that is who they are. People that are snotty or disregard you or act disrespectfully will try to make you believe you are deserving of that treatment, and hey, maybe you did do something to them, but they still have a choice in how they respond. If their response is belittling or mistreating you, it’s because that is who they are, not because of you.

Don’t sweat it, and don’t try to figure people out. When people are kind to you, it should be something you appreciate. When they are unkind, it should be something you shrug off - easier said than done sometimes, but I have faith in you.

10) The Pain Point is Where Growth Begins

Whether it is trauma, insecurity or some skillset you are lacking, that is the starting point for transformation.

If you are terribly shy and hate public speaking, that is your starting point. You can see the problem clearly: you clam up and stutter with buckling knees whenever you have to speak in front of an audience.

When faced with whatever your pain point is, you have the choice to run away and ignore it, suffer through it, or try to get ahead of it.

Running away would be not doing your speech for Communications class and taking the hit to your grade. Suffering through it would be just doing the speech, but not really reflecting on what it is that makes public speaking so hard for you. Getting ahead of this pain point is choosing to work on making public speaking easier. This could be by talking to strangers at the store or coffee shop, carrying a conversation in front of smaller groups where the stakes aren’t as high, and challenging yourself by finding more opportunities to practice public speaking, maybe by taking another class centered around it.

The latter is where you’ll see growth and progress. I chose a silly example for this one, and something a lot of us hate, but this concept applies to anything. When you see your short comings as opportunities for change - anything is possible.